Know Your Mountain Neighbor

By Cam Burns

The 21st Cen•tu•ry Hip•py

Nickname: All-Show. Male or female, 18–50. Lives in any building without modern finishes or appliances. Buys groceries at farmer’s markets, even if they’re twice as expensive and trucked in from many miles away. Cooks on a wood-burning stove; buys the wood at 7-11. Leaves his/her human waste in one unflushed toilet until the end of each week (uses another toilet for the rest of the week—the “non-showcase-my-beliefs” toilet). Refuses to shop at chain stores. Wears coveralls with Crocs. Has no idea what the terms “blotter,” “bag,” “ball,” “cat,” “DMT,” “lid,” and “pakalolo” refer to. Does his/her peace sign backwards, which means something else to visiting Commonwealthers. Has a real estate license.