Rocky Mountain Tales
By Laura PaskusA few years back, I belonged to a book club that met one evening a month at the local library. Quite honestly, I learned more about literature throughout the course of those evenings, chatting with the ladies, than I ever did in a classroom.
Perhaps I never paid attention during literature classes, but upon reading Jane Smiley’s book, A Thousand Acres, I was freaked out to learn that the story—of how a creepy Iowa farmer decides to divvy up the farm among his three daughters — was a twist on Shakespeare’s tale of King Lear.
In the same way that novelists can glean themes and plots from existing tales, there are plenty of stories tucked between the pages of every newspaper in the Rocky Mountain West, just waiting for a novelist’s pen to flesh them out.
1. Kernels of wrath
Ticked off by New Mexico’s new law banning cockfighting, families that had moved to rural Lea County for the sport have been packing up their red roosters and making chicken tracks for the Golden State.
According to a story in the Albuquerque Journal, Tommy Booth, former owner of a cockfighting pit, had encouraged about 100 families to move to the area. Now, he says, “We’re losing them nearly every day to California. Out of the 100 [families], we still have probably 60 left.”
The story continues on to note that “California is a popular choice because orange groves provide great cover for larger cockfights, he said.”
Great, now I’m going to be haunted by the image of Tom Joad in the San Diego Chicken suit.
2. Busy as bees
Utah’s Eagle Mountain Daily Herald reports that city councilors there have a new number one-priority: “Don’t anybody commit any crimes.” That sage advice comes from David Lifferth, Eagle Mountain’s senior city councilman, who has served since the old pioneering days of July 2005.
According to the Daily Herald: “The decade-old city has yet to see a mayor serve a full, 4-year term, and has had a succession of mayors in the past two years alone.” Crimes charged range from real estate fraud and misuse of public funds to accepting gifts while in office and faking one’s own kidnapping.
Has anyone else read Gary Shteyngart’s novel Absurdistan?
3. Bless me Bishop Tafoya
According to an Associated Press story, Roman Catholic Bishop Arthur Tafoya has declined to press charges against three Mormon missionaries who desecrated the Shrine of the Mexican Martyrs at the Chapel of All Saints, overlooking the town of San Luis, Colorado.
According to the story, 2006 photos show the men “holding the broken head of the statue, preaching from the Book of Mormon at an altar and pretending to sacrifice one another.”
After Mormon officials apologized, Bishop Tafoya sent a letter to The Pueblo Chieftain, asking members of the San Luis community to remove “any anger that exists in their hearts.” He added, “This is the time that we can show our love of Christ by forgiving and loving our neighbors.”
My idea? The Milagro Beanfield War meets Salem’s Lot.
4. Big exhaust clouded mountain
A story in the Missoula Independent details the problems kids in Bonner have reaching their school via a bridge across the Blackfoot: “In recent months though, some students have been forced to brave an exhaust-clouded narrow path along a construction bypass bridge with industrial trucks hauling tons of rocks rumbling right alongside them.”
The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency is working to clean the Milltown Dam Superfund site. But keep reading and the story sounds like Orwellian thought has reached a Montana peak.
The EPA says it cancelled the [regularly scheduled public health and safety] meetings after this February because they were no longer helpful. “Those meetings in our opinion just aren’t very useful,” says Diana Hammer, the EPA’s community affairs officer. “We just don’t have the health and public safety issues we did before.”
5. The Y Files
While the military has taken credit for shaking house foundations in southern Idaho, officials at Mountain Home Air Force Base deny responsibility for all the noises.
Quoted in the Idaho Press Tribune, Staff Sgt. Rodney Ivey said aircraft flights may have shaken houses in Hagerman and been heard in Twin Falls. But he denies the Air Force is responsible for “thunder-like” and “popping” noises heard in weeks prior.
The military also suggests earthquakes caused the noises; and added Staff Sgt. Jasmine Reis: “We can’t really speculate [about the noise] because we don’t know. We just know that we fly aircraft and that’s where we stand at the moment.”
6. Carless in Gillette
Here’s a nice two-sentence synopsis from The Gillette News-Record:
“A 27-year-old woman told police she may have lost $6,400 in an attempt to buy a 1967 Chevrolet Camaro from a person in Seattle, Detective Cpl. Eric Dearcorn said. The woman apparently sent three moneygrams Friday in response to a classified ad in the Casper Star Tribune and has heard nothing from the seller since, he said.”
Let’s see, there’s a sweet ride, a classified ad gone awry and a woman, perhaps desperate to get out of Gillette, wiring money to a stranger in Seattle. This is starting to sound like a low-budget version of those “Dear Friend” propositions that I keep receiving on the Internet.
7. All things great and wet
Finally, I just love that Arizona’s Palo Verde Valley Times found it fitting to report on the rescue of a cow from a drainage ditch. Here are the details: “The ditch was roughly 45 feet deep with thick vegetation and spots of water about five feet deep. The cow is believed to have been stuck in the ditch for about two days. Blythe Animal Control Officer John Bush and Blythe Police Det.-Sgt. Jeff Wade worked together with Animal Services Lt. Oliver White and Officer Ector Ramirez. They allowed the bovine to rest in some shade and provided it water. They built the cow a makeshift pen and it was relocated on Friday.”
Finally, a happy ending…unless, of course, you were planning on having a burger for lunch. MG
