Mountain Love Tools
By Chris KalousA warning: don’t fall in love with the mountains. They are totally psycho. Think about it. They are so beautiful they make your jaw drop. They call out to you. They make you want to climb all over them. They might even be nice to you some of the time. But let your guard down for a moment? Avalanche! Freezing rain! Lightning! Bear! There are a number of ways an angry mountain can squash you like a bug in a sudden snit storm. Then, just a few hours later (provided you survived the mood-swing), everything is lovey-dovey again, and you are laughing about how cute it was when your hair stood up and sizzled.
Short-term memory loss is the hallmark trait of any good mountaineer, and any good relationship, and pretty soon you are obsessing about the next time you can see the mountains again. You hang their pictures on your walls, dream about their firm lofty peaks, and maybe even start to think they care about you, too. The truth is that you don’t matter to the mountains any more than the next Subaru-driving yahoo.
Everybody says, “But with me it will be different. I understand. I’m special.” Not likely. Which is why you better be prepared with the right gear the next moment your mountain love turns on you. It’s just a matter of time.
Atomic RT-86
Skiing backcountry powder has to be the most sublime expression of mountain love, and when I am knee deep in the creamy white goodness, I want to forget about my skis. Really, if I have to wonder what the heck is going on under my feet every time I drop my knee, how am supposed the feel the love? The RT-86, billed by Atomic as an all-conditions Tele/AT ski, responds predictably and naturally. It provides a fairly tight turn, strong edging and good float in the powder. I like to run my skis a little bigger than some, but these still handled tight wiggling in the trees, although they feel best in a medium-radius turn. I have always liked having one pair of skis to ride virtually everything, and the RT-86s seem to be designed with just that in mind. The bonus is that they are much lighter than most similarly performing skis. ($539); www.atomicsnow.com
22Designs Hammerhead & Bombshell
Tough love is what the Hammerheads are all about. Coming from a small outfit in Driggs, Idaho, these mean machines have been on the telemark scene long enough to become a mainstay for people who want a durable setup that can ski hard even with big, heavy skis. I took these from heavy powder to backcountry crust with delight. They demand an aggressive style, but an innovative adjustment system allows for quite a bit of variance in how hard you have to push them. The adjustment can go from pivoting on the toe for touring, to powerful boot-bending snap for jump turns — and several spaces in between. Recently, 22 Designs introduced a version for the fairer sex, the Bombshell, which is tailored for less weight and smaller boots. Hammerhead: $219; Bombshell: $210. www.twentytwodesigns.com
Gregory Targhee Backcountry & Z 30 Fast and Light
Share the love is my motto, so I handed over my Targhee to a buddy who charges far harder than I do in the backcountry. He is a veteran of several Aspen to Crested Butte races (you may see the pack as he passes you this year) and just a general badass in the backcounty. Here is what he had to say: “The pack is superb…of the highest quality and I have no complaints. It’s comfortable, carries skis great, (and) is very well-constructed.” He went on to describe how he liked the harness and ability to insulate and integrate a hydration system, and thought it was a good size for all-day use.
I ran the Z 30 Fast and Light Pack in Patagonia last year as a day and climbing pack. This winter, I discovered that it is a good size and good system for short car-based ski and snowshoe tours where you don’t expect to have to carry too much gear, or for very long. Backcountry Pack: $179; Z 30 $119. www.gregorypacks .com.
Osprey ReSource Series Astro Courier Bag
Showing our love for mother earth should be a fundamental part of mountain psyche. Osprey has made that a paramount part of their ReSource Series, which are made from 70-percent recycled materials. Osprey has been keeping it legit and local in southwest Colorado for years, and their dedication to environmental and social activism is clearly laid out on their website. Solidly built and well thought out, the Astro just proves that good products can be made from throw-away material at a reasonable price. This is not to say that it was made without some cost to the environment, but supporting these sorts of initiatives can only encourage better and less damaging technology in the future. If nothing else, send these guys a love letter and tell them you want more products like these. $83.95, www.ospreypacks.com
Otterbox Armor Series iPod Case
I would marry my iPod if that was legal. I swear I would. Thus, I searched for the most badass case on the planet to protect my foxy little 80 gig honey, and Otterbox fulfilled that quest. The Armor Series case will wrap your musical pal in its loving waterproof embrace and protect it from a pretty solid beating, all while allowing the disc wheel and headphones to function. It adds a little girth and weight to the rig, but it is still perfect for storage and travel. Otterbox has an entire line of functional cases for everything from a BlackBerry to your Laptop. These things are the real deal. I dropped my IPod onto gravel from two stories up while painting and she kept on singing. I plopped it in a bucket of water, she warbled on. Now that’s devotion. $49.95, www.otterbox.com
Sex in a Tent
After climbing El Cap over seven days with my girlfriend, bystanders were curious about any extra-curricular night activity that had or hadn’t occurred. But we had been so smelly and exhausted every day, we could hardly even stand to be around one another, let alone do the wiggly on the portaledge. Michelle Waitzman’s “Sex in a Tent,’ a manual about the reasons to get outdoors, might have helped — just the chapter on keeping clean and fresh would have been manna. More than a novelty, this rather extensive book has some darn good advice on not just carnal knowledge in the outdoors, but how to keep romance alive under less-than-perfect conditions in the wild. In fact, many of Waitzman’s pointers are simply about how to have a more enjoyable and stress-free time with your partner. $14.95
www.wildernesspress.com.
Arc’Teryx Hercules
Even in dingy outdoor circles, one has to look good to attract a mate, and all that flannel just isn’t working. Arc’teryx wants to help you. Cutting-edge performance and quasi-futuristic looks have always been hallmarks of Arc’teryx, and the Hercules Jacket continues this trend. Think the swagger of Captain Kirk coupled with the intellect of Picard and throw in some Jedi cool for good measure. The sleek look and fit are coupled with the real performance of a fleece-lined inner and water and wind-resistant outer. The first time I put on the Hercules and headed out into a Chicago evening, I received three unsolicited compliments from women I had never met before. Three days later, I was with one of those women, skiing in Colorado. Well, the second part is a lie, but this coat made me feel it was possible. $299,
www.arcteryx.com.
New Belgium Mothership Wit
Not feeling it? Is all this love talk just bringing you down? No problem. Drown your sorrows in this delicious white Belgium wheat beer. The icing is that the brew is certified organic, so though your liver won’t appreciate it, your conscience will. Zesty and with a little spice, this refreshing beer goes down a little too easy for your own good. The first sixer will make your forlorn heart feel better. After that, good luck. Just try not to sob in front of anybody – they won’t understand why you’re crying over such good beer. $7.99 per six-pack, www.newbelgium.com. MG
