Gear Schmear
By Cam BurnsWelcome to Mountain Gazette’s new gear column, Gear Schmear, which will be a healthy mix of weird pointers, bad puns and random outdoor/travel gear that comes across the desk. This month, we focus on a wildly haphazard selection of very interesting stuff, much of which grabbed our attention because of its name, because of its intended use, or even — in the case of our first product — because of its press kit. Let’s move on ...
Nice (and small) ass!
A chalk bag is a chalk bag right? Well, most of the time, but Indigo Designs of Aspen, Colo. has a new take on marketing the things: "New Indigo chalk bags make your ass look smaller," blares the headline of a recent Indigo press release. I quote further: "Says Indigo Vice President of Design Pete Hill: ‘I set out to create a chalk bag where function really drives form, and not only did it work, darned if it doesn’t make your ass look smaller as well…not that I care about that’." I test drove one of the new GO chalk bags at my local climbing gym (my basement), and, while it made me feel slimmer than do other brands of chalk bags, it also valiantly performed the A-numberone task that all chalk bags are designed to do: It held chalk! The bags are available in two sizes — for the big boned and the very big boned, respectively — and in two color combinations for $18 and $20. Each bag has its own clippable belt, a nice addition if you’re cheap – like me – in the belt department. (Weight: about 3 ounces.) See www.indigoequipment.com.
Fired up and blown away
San Francisco-based Bates Distributors has a new product out, called the Air Grill “Grill Blower” — a hand-crankable air blower for reviving dead and dying campfires. What’s most impressive is the device’s weightto- blast output. At about 4 ounces (on my old postage scale), it delivers a stream of air equal to a medium setting on an electric hair dryer. The slender crank handle feels a might delicate for some serious blowing, but it held up under stress testing (i.e., vigorous hand-cranking on a doused fire) with impressive results (we had a warm fire again!).
No more bulging red faces and wobbling blowees while trying to get that campfire going in (or after) the rain, I reckon. Although I can’t quite picture myself carrying one up Denali for a summit barbecue, I could imagine the wife carting it to the top (along with the unnecessary pin rack). No batteries, no chemicals, no muss, no fuss — I’d say, get out there and get blowing. For a retail price of $9.99, you can’t afford not to. (Weight: about 4 ounces.) See www.batesdistributors.com for more hot air on this beauty. Uh, and if you travel with one, I’d recommend not carting it through airport security.
Get your crap together
Cat Crap, made by EK Ekcessories, is a cleaner/anti-fog cream you smear across your sunnies to keep them from fogging up. I thumbed my glacier glasses for a half-day then put them through the Cat Crap test and can assure you the stuff works well (use a clean cloth) — but that name? According to Melissa Reynolds, the Cat Crap Lady, the name "started off as a joke … but eventually … just stuck." That would be literally and figuratively. "Despite its name [or maybe in spite of its name]," Melissa reports, "Cat Crap is one of our most popular and best selling products … and has been for over five years." Interesting goop — glad they gave it an irreverent name.
To get your own Crap, which retails at $3.99 for two tiny tubs, see www.ekusa.com/item/23.43.392/ — meow. (Don’t fret, I have advised the folks at EK Ekcessories to begin working on Dog Turds for you non-cat types.)
No Oneder there’s a spring in your step!
You’re not bogged down, so to speak, with dirty laundry — dirty undies to be precise. Onederwear is disposable underwear, designed to be worn once, twice or a few times, then disposed of (it checks in at about half-anounce per pair for the women’s panties and about 6 ounces for a 5-pack of men’s briefs). As the firm’s website proclaims, Onederwear is "the smart new travel accessory that eliminates the hassle of repacking or washing dirty underwear forever." Made of an extremely lightweight cotton, Onederwear underpants come in packets of five pairs "that can fit in the palm of your hand — you simply wear and toss!"
Onederwear CEO Betty Hung shipped me a packet of five pairs for one of MG’s grueling gear tests, and we put ’em through hell. Sure, they’re meant to be worn once or twice and "tossed," but whenever I travel I tend to get several months’ action out of my skivvies before they’re assigned to some distant medicalwaste flame-thrower. Onederwear undies lasted proudly through 875 days of continuous testing, and my coworkers barely noticed. (Note to self: Tell Ms. Hung to rename product Loadsofwear (bad wordplay intended).)
Each package of Onderwear contains five compact pairs of individually wrapped disposable underboxers, underbriefs, or underpanties. The fivepacks range from $7.99 and there are five styles (men’s briefs, men’s boxers, women’s classic briefs, women’s bikini briefs, and women’s thong). I recommend all models — after all, as the label says: "It’s not paper"! For more information, see www.onederwear. com (and, actually, you should visit the website, because if I’m interpreting that image of a girl and a fellow being intimate correctly, Onderwear gives your love life a boost).
